I want to tell you this:
You are already worthy. Welcome to worthiness. You just need to do the heart work to become rooted in worthiness.
WHAT IS WORTHINESS?
Worthiness = The quality of being good enough/the quality of deserving attention or respect
It looks like:
- Doing what you want and being certain of yourself
- Not questioning yourself or others
- Time unwasted
- Leaning into situations
- Making swift decisions
- Not trying to control how others act
- Boundaries for yourself and others (enforced)
It feels like
- Relaxed, not stressed
- Certainty in who you are
- Leaning into situations
It doesn’t look like:
- Not accepting compliments...or thinking you have to give one back
- Being highly aware of yourself and thinking others are too
- Withdrawing from things you wanted to do
- Believing you always have to explain yourself. A simple no thanks is often good enough
- Lack of clarity
- Lack of certainty
I want to tell you that your worthiness is 100 %. You are worth everything you want already. You are full-blown worthy. You were born that way. Nothing you have done. Nothing anyone has done to you can taint your value. NOTHING. NOTHING.
Your life was created with purpose for a purpose. And your heart has been there to pour desires and dreams into your entire life. You are meant to fulfill those things.
WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU WANT IN LIFE? WHAT DO YOU VALUE?
WHAT ARE THE MATERIAL THINGS THAT MAY REPRESENT THE ABOVE FOR YOU:
- House/vacation house
- Recreation vehicles
What or Who determines whether you are worthy? What or Who determines whether or not you should have those things? And why do we believe that money, love, and all the things listed above are a reflection of our worth?
- I’m not good enough…that’s why this happens.
- must have brought this on myself.
- Why don’t I make more money? I’m a good person.
- Why can’t I find love? I’m a good person.
- Why can’t I make friends easily? I’m a good person.
This is flawed thinking that causes us to think we need to work harder to be better. So we smile more. We offer more of ourselves. We say yes more. We go to the back of the line more. When We should be doing the opposite. We should start being ourselves more. Yes, be of service, but not out of guilt, but out of passion. Out of joy. Not out of the notion that we owe the universe before we will get what we are looking for.
When you think you have to earn it, you will work forever, especially if you are a heart-led person. You will never feel like you are worthy enough. Never. You will never feel like you have enough permission…
WHAT LIES HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING YOURSELF ABOUT YOUR WORTHINESS? WHAT THINGS HAVE YOU BEEN HOLDING BACK FROM MAKE HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE?
- Finding love
- Leaving a bad relationship
- Fixing a fixable relationship
- Making boatloads of money
- Getting that promotion at work
- Changing careers
- Purchasing your dream home/car
- Taking a vacation
- Learning a new skill
- Spending time on a hobby you love
I FEEL LIKE MY GENERATION WAS TAUGHT THAT OUR WORTH WAS ACHIEVED, IT WAS EARNED, IT WAS TRADED FOR SOMETHING ELSE.
We were taught practice and to value things like:
- Being quiet
- Being “good”
- Respecting authority (and we weren’t taught that not everyone in authority is to be respected or trusted)
- Looking to others
- Pleasing others
- Smiling and nodding
- Being last in line for everything
And the more you sacrificed the better person you were. You had more worth. It is SO screwed up.
- You have to stop associating how you have been treated with your worth.
- You have to stop associating your own personal reactions (with all the biases, stories, and sensitivities) with your worth.
- You have to stop associating your mistakes with your worth.
- You have to stop associating your past with your worth.
- You have to stop associating your friends, your relationships with your worth.
- You have to stop associating your present situation with your worth.
- You have to stop associating your limitations with your worth.
So we want to move from this and redefine our worthiness. We want to retrain our minds around worthiness being at the root of who we are instead of it being something we need to find, capture, trade off for.
You have probably perpetuated your own sense of unworthiness through your programming. That programming is from parents, media, the school system…but you can change it. It’s not your fault.
You can give yourself the permission you need to
- Fully express yourself.
- Make mistakes
- Grow out of people and places
- Redefine yourself
- Start a new blog
- Dump something that doesn’t align with you anymore
- Make new friends
- Go back to school
- Whatever you are called to do.
Rooting yourself in worthiness will help make your life work in flow, in optimism, and in growth. I challenge you to jump in and do my Welcome to Worthiness Challenge this week!
I remember 20 years ago an encounter I had with a grumpy man downtown.
I had pulled into the diagonal parking spot right next to him. I had pulled in from the opposite side of the street. I kinda’ had to pull a u-ey to get that spot.
And I quickly hopped out of my car and started to zip across the very quiet street, when I heard “Hey!” from the man in the truck parked beside my car.
Funny, I actually thought he had something important to tell me so I walked back to my car and said hello.
And that’s when it started, “You effing asshole!” (he used the other word for effing, but you know me)
I was in shock. Not sure if anyone in my whole 26 years had ever called me that. So I stood there and listened as he long-ranted about my bad parking job and how I could have killed him.
I was embarrassed. This is not a situation anyone would want to be in.
Had I broken the law when I made the u-turn to park? Had I actually endangered him?
I was apologetic, “I’m so sorry, Sir.”
“You’re not sorry, you asshole!”
And that’s when I just turned and walked away.
And although the encounter was over, in the days that came after, I replayed it over and over in my head.
Here were some of my thoughts:
- I shouldn’t have pulled in and parked that way. (I started this – shame on me.)
- But if he wasn’t there, it wouldn’t have mattered.
- I should have just kept walking when he called me over. (I wish I had been smarter and known what was about to happen.)
- I should have told him to eff off. (I’m so bad at thinking on my feet.)
- I should have never apologized. (I’m such a loser, why did I make myself so vulnerable.)
- I can’t believe that happened to me. (Maybe if I was smarter, prettier, cooler, better, luckier this would have never even happened to me.)
You guys! I used to think like this ALL the time. Shame, self-blame, internalizing every incident as a reflection on my value.
When someone treated me bad (or I interpreted it as that way) I saw it as what I deserved.
I couldn’t just see someone’s behaviour as belonging to them. It belonged to me. It hung around my neck and dragged me down, and when something else happened I would add that one to the pile too.
Until the burden of all that added up…and it really hit me.
I will NOT own their bad behaviour.
I will NOT make their behaviour say anything about who I am.
I will NOT allow them to make me feel as lousy as they are in their moment of indecency.
And I chose worthiness.
I want you to choose worthiness too. For you. For your now. For your future.
Worthiness is a big one…and without a true sense of it, we can be steered so far off course, chasing validation, love, opportunities in circles.
If you’re already in for next week’s Welcome to Worthiness FREE 3-Day Challenge, congratulations! I’m so excited that you’re gonna be there.
If not, why the heck not?!
Grab your spot asap.
See you on the inside!
If you asked me about my life, my past, my history I would tell you I had it pretty good.
Two parents that loved me a lot, many friends, wonderful memories and adventures that filled my soul.
I married an incredible man, had 5 amazing children, and continued having lots of fun and living a happy life.
Truly, smile on my face, silly and giggling most the time, and often just soaking in the love I felt from and for what I had.
Yet, with all that I still found myself in my early forties feeling unfulfilled and somehow underneath it all, I had some stuff.
Yes, there were a few bad memories along the way…some pain, a little trauma, a bit of rejection.
And yes, my internal responses to it all probably perpetuated the scarring…
Somehow I had grown up to be this strangely two-sided being, where seemingly at the same time I felt love, joy, and gratitude, I was wrestling with feeling unaccomplished, undeserving, and unable to want or ask for more.
I was trying to attract the life I wanted – more love, more people, more travel, more money – but what I was doing wasn’t working.
I embarked on started a journey of personal development…and man, I thought I had developed as much as I could. I had worked through a lot of insecurities and become really aware of my interactions and how I perceived people and things around me, but some crucial understanding was still missing, and finally learning it changed my life.
During a time that my life became financially and emotionally challenging I became magnetically pulled into some powerful books and trainings that were exactly what I needed in that stage.
Through my thorough attention to the concepts I was learning about and through conversations with my husband I made some huge breakthroughs about life and the way I had perceived things for decades.
And although I was generally a really happy person with a positive outlook on life, I realized that I was missing some key understandings about the way the world really worked.
I had adopted some ideas at an early age and carried them with me through adulthood. Ideas that now I recognize as sabotaging stories that stifled joy, love, and abundance.
I had been living with this idea that people only get what they want if they deserve them. So I had been telling myself this story that if I didn’t have what I wanted it was because I didn’t deserve it. I was unworthy.
I had also learned to always hope for the best, but expect the worst.
I had learned that it was selfish to want anything, but giving to others was saintly.
So I had all of these ideas rolling around in my mind about worthiness, about selfishness, and about living humbly and like a martyr.
A few years ago, these ideas started to shift. As I started rubbing elbows with self-motivate, inspiring, generous world-changers I started to see things differently.
And as I sought out more knowledge and understanding I became very aware of the missing spoke in my tire.
Through the experiences and the things I had learned in childhood I had come to form this idea of how a person gains success and attracts the life they want – be humble, don’t ask for anything, but work hard and hope you break through.
And it was all wrong. All wrong.
I realized there were 3 key reasons people struggle to manifest the life they want…to no fault of their own. So many of us were raised in a culture that rewarded "good kids", the kind that wouldn't argue, wouldn't take the last cookie on the plate, and remembered to be seen and not heard...or be not seen and not heard.
There was this esteem for people who didn't oppose, said yes and were compliant. We were made to feel like our sole purpose was to make everyone else happy by sacrificing our own joy.
It's no surprise we didn't learn how to attract the things we want in life. We were raised in a social system that taught us that we didn't matter and that having money, things, and convenience was selfish.
Gosh, if I could go back...I'd teach myself and everyone around me that we do matter. Our desires, our passions, the things that light us up - those were all put in our hearts for good reason. They are meant to be fulfilled - that's why they are there. Not in a greedy, all for me way, but with the understanding that there is enough for everyone. Our world will never run out of fun, love, joy, money, relationships, and opportunities.
And we are not selfish for wanting more...and the more we have the more we get to share.
This message is one that has been stirring in me a long time. I hope if you are struggling with the idea that you need to deny yourself to help lift others up, you will stop today. And instead you will show everyone you love how to love themselves, by recognizing the passions and desires that were placed in their hearts by their creator so that they can bring those blessed things into their hands.
So much love!
P.S. If you want to learn a little more I share the three reasons you might not be manifesting the life you want in my video over here!
Identity…all about who and what you are. Yes, there are the bare facts…your name, your parents and family, where you grew up, your faith, etc.
But for the most part, your identity is who you are right now. Not who you accidentally stumbled into being, but who you choose to be.
The values you hold, the thoughts you think, the feelings you feel, and the actions you take.
You are who you choose to be, regardless of what is going on and what others are doing around you.
There’s a culture out there being embraced by many women right now.
A culture of settling. A culture of “I guess this is as good as it gets”.
But you don’t have to embrace it.
I refuse to.
Instead, I choose to stand in truth, empowerment, belief, and abundance.
It’s the things you embody daily.
I know at times I have fallen into patterns of thought that seem to fit the status quo...”I’m a hot mess. Life is hard.” That kinda’ thing.
You see it everywhere.
Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard.
Peopling is hard. Mondays are hard. I need a drink.
Notice anything about these thought patterns
They are disempowering. They are destructive. And they are seeds that only grow more of the same.
I’m not discounting challenges and situations that need to be worked on and might feel heavy. And of course, each challenge needs its own set of strategies, but of course those challenges are meant to be overcome and conquered.
You see, when our perspective is consistently one of negativity, self-pity, and looking outward for blame, we don’t even give ourselves a chance to bloom into the amazing women we truly are.
Yes, of course we need to address things that are out of alignment and not pretend everything is peachy when it’s not. But that is the point. Address it. Fix it. Change it.
Get it back in alignment…by first looking at what we are doing to create the misalignment in the first palce.
What are we thinking and focusing on? What are we feeling? Fear, worry, icky stuff? What are we honestly expecting?
‘Cause it’s not about saying one thing and thinking something different. As much as our words matter, we have to back up those words with good-feeling thoughts. We have to create that vibration within us that tells the universe what we are truly expecting. High vibes, Friends.
And then the universe will deliver a matching vibration. I promise.
Look at your life so far…your expectations have been matched time and time again.
It’s time to raise those expectations.
What can we tell ourselves to create our true highest vibing identity?
•I’m so excited to crush this week!
•I’m so grateful for my kiddos! We are learning life together.
•Life is an amazing thing. I’m so grateful for the opportunities coming to me right now.
•Thank God for good friends. There’s nothing like those bonds and memories.
•Even these things that feel difficult are here to give me opportunities for growth and abundance.
Our identities are greatly impacted by our choice thoughts, feelings, and actions.
If you’ve felt stuck, I challenge you to make different choices in these things. You’ve so got this. 💕
PS. If you're looking for a community of amazing women who will challenge you to reach your biggest dreams, feel free to join my free Facebook group! I'd love to see you in there!